I have read all the books on being a man and how to get there. I have read all the articles that talk about a man’s man. With each new insight, I walked away feeling even more depressed than I was before I read the newest tip.
I picture a man’s man as one who is masculine in every way and loves activities that are masculine in nature. Such things include hunting, fishing, camping, regular trips to the gym, sports, fixing things and the list goes on.
Growing up without a masculine influence left me wondering what it really means to be a man. What I am about to say will make some raise their eyebrows and get the wrong idea of my intent. To straighten things up right now, I am not nor have I ever been gay. That being said, I always feel out of place or less of a man when I am around what I consider a man’s man. I always want to spend as much time as possible with that person in hopes that somehow I might become a better man. Somehow if I spend a lot of time with that type of guy, something will rub off on me and I will suddenly become what I long to be as a man.
But I have learned something along the way. God created me how He wanted me to be. I have learned that the more I long for that masculinity I feel I am lacking, the more depressed I get and the more hopeless I feel.
Someone once told me it’s okay that I didn’t play sports growing up. That it was okay that I wasn’t part of the jock crowd because my love of music was part of what made me who I am.
Maybe you can relate. I think men in general all have that one image they desperately want to portray. John Eldredge wrote a book called Wild at Heart that addresses this desire. In it he writes that all men have a desire in their hearts to go back to nature, my paraphrase. He writes about a longing in our hearts to be that masculine man we want to be.
If you find yourself in that place, I want to encourage you to be happy with who you are unless you are in an unhealthy state and need to change. While it’s okay to admire other men who seem to have figured it out, don’t become obsessed. It is impossible to be someone you are not. If God had wanted you to be just like Harison Ford, You would have been born Harison Ford.
I also want to encourage you to find a “masculine” activity that you can do alone or with a group of other guys. Maybe a camping trip or an afternoon shooting. While not a permeates solution, it really does help fill that need to be a man’s man.